Generic Name: A Cure for Wellness (a-kUR-fOr-wAL-nis)
Brand Name: 20th Century Fox
What is A Cure for Wellness?
An ambitious young executive is sent to retrieve his company's CEO from an idyllic but mysterious "wellness center" at a remote location in the Swiss Alps but soon suspects that the spa's miraculous treatments are not what they seem.
Before watching this film:
Make sure you're prepared to dispose of 2h 30min of your life. The things you will see may initially amuse you because they truly are beautiful, however, over the span of 150 min your eyes will grow weary of beautiful shot after beautiful shot. Once the repetitive shots lose their initial appeal you bear witness to a true cinematic horror.
The plot of this film starts as a singular entity and slowly splinters into all directions. You are left to decide the actual plot of the film. The dialog doesn't make the visual journey any easier, if anything it's a distraction from what you're watching. You may find yourself wishing the movie was a silent film, as I did. After the first 2 hours you'll question your life decisions and what led you to this point. But WAIT, there's more. Yes, 30 minutes more and the worst has yet to come. The final 30 minutes may be what "rock bottom" looks like. I know it may seem like I'm exaggerating but the ending is really that bad. The only people who will like this ending may be fans of Sharknado franchise or if you enjoyed Suicide Squad.
Side Effects include:
Loss of concentration
Loss of time
Loss of money
Loss of sanity
Important Warning from the Reviewer:
I DID NOT purchase a ticket for this film. I was given free tickets to see an early screening of this
Would I pay to see this film in theatres? No.
Would I pay to rent this film at Redbox? Probably not.
Would I watch this film if someone else rented it? Yeah I guess.
Final grade: 6.0/10.0 Shutter Island meets Pirahna3D, with Eyes Wide Shut visuals.